The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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