he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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