her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
