Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
