i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
