he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
