Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
