Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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