Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
