dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
