You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
