well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
