I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
dude. I can hear the air.
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