I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
we're so committed to being not committed
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