is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
