I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
