I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
