I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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