do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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