Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
