he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
