umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
This is classic penis vs brain.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
