The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
