So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
