My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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