and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
