I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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