Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
