We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
