Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
