My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
