so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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