It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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