I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
