i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
