We're facebook friends in real life
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
