): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Randomize
