guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
