He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
