I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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