every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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