the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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