First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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