i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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