NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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