the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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