I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
