tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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