he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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