now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I am full of burrito and curiosity
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
