it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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